I started looking deep inside. Finding ways to let down my guard and be true to who I am instead of running and hiding from myself. But what do you do when people only know the you that you let them see, the you that was half smoke and mirrors? What is it that bothers them most? Is it that they think you are a completely different person, or the fact that they don’t want you to change?
People like to think that they have things figured out. We go from person to person, getting to know them and then when we understand that person, we can safely put them into a box. The problem with this is that people do change and things are seldom what they seem.
Everyone has something to hide. Some secret that in their mind they have built up to be the one thing that they can never tell anyone. So many of us build walls and hope that nobody can see the real them. The insecure or frightened child, the mama’s boy, the weak or mean person that did “X” thing wrong. You are not alone. Everyone has failed in some way and everyone suffers from something whether physical, mental or emotional.
I am finally at a place where I am no longer afraid of who I am. That seems to bother some people, at least at first. Some avoid me for whatever reason, be it that they are watching for a sign that what I say is true or false. Maybe to see who I really am or perhaps they are just confused and don’t know how to act around me now. Some overreact or tease, some avoid, while others treat me as they always did, as a friend.
There are those who reach out with a helping hand. I have had my share of people who are willing to help me, and I am thankful for them. They have helped me through the most difficult time in my life. Each one of these people is precious to me. Each is important because they allow me to share my burden with them and listen when needed without pushing me in a direction, but allow me to choose my own path.
There will always be those people who, having not dealt with the same burden you have, will judge you without getting all the facts. Even people with the best of intentions or motives can, in trying to give you advice, unknowingly hurt you. But we cannot live our lives in fear. We must move forward toward freedom.
For me, true freedom can only be found in Jesus. And I know that God loves me for who I am and accepts me right where I am today, pimples and all. This has given me hope.
“For I know the plans I have for you, ‘declares the LORD,’ plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” Jeremiah 29:11 (NIV)
I am one of the fortunate ones. My burden comes with blessings. Not all do. One thing is true though, we can learn very valuable lessons from our burdens. We can learn to be humble and caring. To have sympathy when someone else is hurting and not to judge.
As with any burden there are days when it is hard to carry. Today was one of those days, a day I am thankful that I have friends.
So…
Who am I?
Brian Johnson: Dear Mr. Vernon, we accept the fact that we had to sacrifice a whole Saturday in detention for whatever it was we did wrong, but we think you’re crazy to make us write an essay telling you who we think we are. You see us as you want to see us… In the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain…
Andrew Clark: …and an athlete…
Allison Reynolds: …and a basket case…
Claire Standish: …a princess…
John Bender: …and a criminal…
Brian Johnson: Does that answer your question?… Sincerely yours, the Breakfast Club.
~ elr
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