Awakened by fireworks at 1:30 AM. Disoriented, I get up to see why there are explosions outside our back door. Standing there looking out the bathroom window, it hits me. A flood of realization.
IamnotwhoIam.
I crawl back into bed, as my spirit cries out in anguish once again. Tears flow from my heart, in the form of a prayer.
Sometimes I feel like Pinocchio, calling out to the stars, Make me a real girl. Please God fix me…
please.
Though the person beside me gives what comfort they can. In the end it is I who must let go again.
Am I really so selfish? Is this desire so wrong? I ask as I lie here inconsolable. Alone.
I write this down, not to elicit pity, but to work through these feelings in the midst of the dark.
For I know that life is found both in the shadow and light, and sometimes it is better to express it and share than to hold it in and fear.
~ elr
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