Hush (a poem)

(TW: Conversion Therapy, Misgendering)

Don’t tell anyone.
They can’t know about you,
that you’re different,
weird, unacceptable, unforgivable.

Don’t tell anyone.
They might think it was my fault.

You were born different,
unfinished, in between.
Broken.
Don’t tell.

We fixed it,
The doctor and me.
We made you
acceptable, respectable, male.

But, inside, I’m a girl
I’ve never been a boy.

That’s not how it works.
You’re confused.
I know better.
Listen to me.

I don’t care how you feel.
Hold it inside.
Be who we say you are.
You’ll always be my baby boy.

I knew you gossiped.
Throwing blame, sharing shame.
What I didn’t know…
you shared mine too.

You told me not to share secrets
while you criticized
neighbors, friends,
everyone.

You taught me to be quiet,
Then why weren’t you?

Telling everyone,
betraying my trust.
Were you truly incapable
of holding it in?

The only secret
was that mine aren’t.

…and that’s the one secret
you would take to your grave.

~ elr