“Friends will come and go, but family is forever.” — Mom
She knew. My whole life, she knew.
“It’s for your own good.” — Mom
When they decided I was too girly, and chose to “toughen [me] up,” she knew.
“You have no choice. You have to.” — Mom
When they forced testosterone on me, she knew.
“That’s nice honey. Just don’t tell your dad.” — Mom
When the only name I had, to describe who I am, was transgender, she knew.
“I wondered what it would be like, too., but…” — my uncle
When she told my uncle instead of dad, and he “had a talk with me,” she knew.
“Think about your family.” — Mom
While I suffered in silence, alone, she knew.
“Yes, and this… and this… and this…” — Mom
When she came clean and told us that I was born in-between [intersex], she finally admitted that she knew.
“You’ll always be [deadname] to me.” — Mom
When I asked if I could tell her my name, and she refused to hear it, she knew.
She’s gone now, so I can no longer ask her.
…but I would like to know; does she know how much it hurt, now?
“Friends will come and go, but family…” well, “family is forever.”
At least the scars are, anyway.
~ elr
Thank you to all my friends, both new and those who I’ve known for a lifetime, who just accepted me, without question, without condition; all those who didn’t even skip a beat.
You are, and always have been, my family. I love you.
Image: ID 1006287 © Jennifer Badeaux | Dreamstime.com
It took me many years as a parent to understand the necessity of accepting my children for exactly who they are. My oldest daughter has challenged me to grow and adapt in so many ways. I am sorry that your parents were so resistant to really seeing you.