A lot of people have had an influence in who I became. They used fear, sometimes intentionally, to change my behavior to fit their expectations and desires.
Some people abused me for their own gain, others did so because they believed that, in doing so, they were helping me to survive in a world that would eat me up and spit me out.
In the end, I did what was expected of me; I fell in line, I became like them. Like a shield, my outward appearance protected me but I had been taught those skills by people who were immature, selfish, and cruel. I had been raised to look down on and even hate people like me; anyone who was different.
I quickly realized that I could carry my shield but drop my weapon. That doesn’t mean that I didn’t hurt people. We all have some lessons we must learn the hard way.
…and those regrets temper us.
We all mature, in different areas of our lives, at different stages. I may seem mature in certain ways, to those around me, but I am quite positive that they also see plainly, my gross immaturity in other aspects of my character.
I guess, what I am trying to convey is that there are similarities between the current state of our society and the junior high playground.
We have found ourselves where we are, in this country, because there are people in our government who have yet to grow past playground mentality and tactics; pushing weaker people down and quite literally taking their lunch money, using lies and deception to lift their position in the eyes of their followers, and threatening anyone who does not comply with their demands.
How do we, as grown ass adults, resist their pressure to conform, when they are at such high levels of control in our society?
We don’t allow them to change us.
I understand that there may come a time when we must again pick up our weapons to fight against their injustice and tyranny but I don’t have to let them change me, we can stay true to ourselves in the midst of their pressure. They want us to be like them because, they know that when we do, they have already won.
The most revolutionary act that we can do, in such a situation, whether it be on a playground or the Senate floor, is to be true to ourselves. When the pressure is on, and those in positions of authority come in with nothing but insults on 3” x 5” cards, we can see who and what they are.
When a sitting president, tweets like the mean girl in social studies class, you see it for what it is, immaturity.
When the Secretary of Defense, changes his title to Secretary of War and can’t wait to beat down people with his “muscle,” it becomes abundantly clear that he never matured past the 8th grade bully stage.
The thing is, I feel bad about using this language to describe these people, in such a direct manner. To talk about these characteristics in terms of the population is one thing, to put names to them is another. This is an empathetic response to my own judgment of people whose actions belie their dark nature and their need to grow in these areas.
As I said, I too have areas in which I need to mature. I am far from perfect. So, who am I to publicly judge them?
I have two choices in a situation like this: I can lift my weapons and become cruel, like them, or I can remain kind and joyful despite their presence in my life.
In order to have joy amidst the storms, I need either be ignorant of the threat or choose to be strong in who I am and face the day with hope in my heart.
I choose not to pick up my weapon. Instead, I drop my shield and use my hands to hold others, gaining strength and resolve as I do.
I have found that hope and joy are not always linked, but I see that with hope can come joy and that a joyful encounter can give us hope.
Being with beloved friends can bring hope, peace, encouragement and, yes, joy.
Joy is resistance, because it takes strength of character to choose joy when it seems that everyone around us is choosing the easier path toward hate.
…and though hate can last a season, in time, love comes back around.
~ elr
Image: ID 80677404 © Cpenler | Dreamstime.com