Most of my life, I have been chasing approval, worrying about how my actions and my very existence affects those around me, and trying to make sure that they were happy, at my own expense.
In the past, when I’ve done things that were just for myself, I’ve felt guilty about it; like I needed to minimize or hide it.
There’s also a weird dichotomy, with regard to my artistic endeavors, I want people to notice and connect with my work but if they do actually give me praise for it, I immediately minimize my part in it or get embarrassed as though, by looking at my art, they could suddenly see inside me and therefore judge me. It’s a strong need for validation with a healthy side of shame.
…and I desperately need to find the tools to move past it.
~ elr
Image: ID 125737328 © Tero Vesalainen | Dreamstime.com