Below is an expanded version of the speech I shared at CUUB (Community Unitarian Universalists in Brighton) on Sunday, October 26th 2025. This version contains some of the sections I had removed from the speech, due to time constraints. I have also added links to some of my source materials as well as the facts to back up my conclusions where relevant.
So, yeah, this is a long one.
Good morning. Thank you for inviting me back to CUUB.
I’m truly honored to be here, especially on Intersex Awareness Day.
One year ago, tomorrow, I shared my first message with you, it was about the importance of bodily autonomy. The last time I was here, I spoke about privilege, respect, and discrimination. Each time I’ve been here, I’ve shared bits and pieces of my personal story and perspective as a member of the LGBTQIA+ community.
Since it’s Intersex Awareness Day, I’ll spend a bit of time talking about intersex related topics, I will also speak to the greater issues that women, intersex people, and trans people are currently facing.
Today’s message is centered around the need for compassion, and caring for one another.
So, let’s dive right in.
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When we marginalize someone, we marginalize everyone like them, and in doing so, create hardships for others who do not fit perceived standards and, in some cases, negatively affect even those who do.
Transgender people have long been the canary in the coal mine; one that too many have ignored.
Now we find ourselves in the midst of the systematic destruction of our economy, democracy, civil rights, social programs, and personal liberties including: bodily autonomy, free speech, and the right to due process.
We watch as our leaders engage in ad hominem attacks, retaliatory investigations and lawsuits, crude remarks and social media posts, as well as tariffs placed on goods and services supplied by our allies; tariffs that shutter American businesses and raise prices for American consumers.
We watch as billions of taxpayer dollars are diverted from public assistance programs to foreign countries and the super rich, while hateful rhetoric and outright lies spill from the White House on a daily basis.
They tell us the world is becoming a safer place, yet our own military is currently deployed in large influential democrat leaning cities and the White House itself is literally being torn apart; a visual manifestation of what’s currently happening to the country we love.
This hurts even more when you and your friends were the canaries, but nobody heeded your warnings.
Attacks that affect a vulnerable minority eventually ripple out to affect everyone. We can see that in real-time as immigrants are thrown into camps and threats of this happening to U.S. citizens who oppose the president are now being spoken aloud by high-ranking officials.
The playbook has become clear. Question a group’s motives, call them degrading names, and lie about their intentions. Once public opinion has changed, round them up. It’s the same playbook used in Europe almost 100 years ago.
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Before I share more, I want to be sure that everyone understands a few terms: A persons SEX refers to their chromosomes, genitals and reproductive organs. Whereas, SEXUAL refers to attractions, desires, and feelings. This is the reason we are referred to as intersex people, or people with intersex differences. We do not use the term intersexual to describe people with Differences of Sex Development (DSD) or the differences we may have.
GENDER refers to a person’s identity, expression, and societal expectations.
CIS and TRANS are Latin
CIS means “on this side of”
TRANS means “on the other side of”
So, a CISgender person is comfortable with their gender, whereas a TRANSgender person may live on the other side of the binary from how they were raised.
Nonbinary people don’t remain on one side of the perceived binary or the other and may express themselves freely across the entire spectrum.
HET is sometimes used as a shortened version of heterosexual. It will sometimes be paired with CIS, as seen in the term cis/het, which refers to a person who is both cisgender and heterosexual.
There are about 40 different INTERSEX conditions. Intersex people have chromosomes, genitals, or reproductive organs that don’t always fit perfectly into a male/female sex binary. Their genitals might not match their reproductive organs, or they may have traits of both. These traits might be apparent at birth, or may not appear until puberty or adulthood. Some traits are only discovered during a surgery, an internal imaging procedure, or DNA test.” (Source: The Cleveland Clinic)
Let me clarify a couple of things.
First, an intersex person can identify as transgender but a trans person is not necessarily intersex, because intersex refers to a physical difference at birth, whereas gender is about how a person identifies.
Second, I don’t speak for all intersex or trans people. There’s a saying, “If you met one person from a given community, you met one person from that community.” We may have similar circumstances and experiences but we are all unique individuals.
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Intersex people represent 1.7% of the population; roughly the same percentage as genetic redheads or twins. Worldwide we are almost equal to the population of Russia. Intersex people are more common than natural blondes.
[ NOTE: I was wrong, with regard to twins and blondes. The data I found previously does not match up with the sources I found in my latest search. Twins are around 1.2% and natural blondes are around 2% worldwide. ]
Currently, there are over five and a half MILLION intersex people in America.
In 1981, my senior year of high school, there were at least 68 students and likely a staff member or two with at least one intersex trait.
That’s just one year at my high school.
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Sports bills, actually hurt more than just trans kids. Cisgender children have been insulted, attacked, and their genitalia called into question by rage-filled transphobic parents who publicly berate them based on their looks. Elementary school girls do not deserve that.
Banning gender affirming care can hurt and even result in the untimely death of intersex people, as well as cisgender people whose bodies don’t produce necessary hormones.
Hormone blockers are considered a safe and effective treatment for kids with precocious puberty. …and nobody wants to see their daughter go through puberty at six years old.
Grown men are prescribed hormone blockers as an effective treatment for prostate cancer.
Bathroom bills, meant to keep transgender people out of the public restrooms that align with their gender identity, also hurt intersex people, cis women, and girls who don’t appear “feminine enough” to someone else.
Trans women, who are perceived as just another woman, are said to have Passing Privilege. In women’s spaces, they are not questioned. Not everyone has this privilege, not even some cisgender women.
With the advent of sports and bathroom bills, came the inevitable backlash against women who don’t pass the femininity test.
Intersex people and cis women whose clothing, hair, and other style choices don’t fit the stereotypical expectation for women, are being harassed, threatened, and even assaulted by people whose fear of difference has been carefully built by those who wish to uphold the illusion of a strict binary.
There are people who are comfortable presenting somewhere in the middle. Whether they are cis/het or part of the LGBTQIA+ community, how a person dresses or expresses their gender and sexuality; how they present themselves on any given day is up to them. Nobody’s gender presentation should be enforced based on binary stereotypes.
Trans men and women have been using the stall next to you since the 1930s.
…and we had no problem with it.
Intersex people along with cisgender women and children are being hit by the shrapnel from all the political grenades being lobbed at the Trans community.
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Biology is complicated and doesn’t always fit into neat little boxes. Binary stereotypes tend to limit our understanding of the spectrum of human anatomy, behavior, and the environmental and biological processes that affect our mental, emotional, and physical development.
Female XX and male XY are not the only chromosomal variants (XXY, XYY, XO, etc.). There are men born with XX, women who have given birth yet were born with XY chromosomes, though giving birth is not a true measure of who is and isn’t a woman.
Not all intersex differences are related to genetics. Some are a result of the conditions in utero, or a combination of both genetic and environmental factors.
My differences have a genetic component, but I was also affected by a synthetic oestrogen called Diethylstilbestrol (DES). It affected the development and lives of many babies, who are now adults. Some had it worse than me, some got cancer and didn’t survive their teens. Some, like me, had a mix of parts, while others were born with one of the other reproductive differences created by environmental factors.
My mom miscarried twins between my brother and me, so her doctor prescribed shots of DES, along with pills. DES was also an ingredient in the over-the-counter prenatal vitamins my mom took. Basically, she was taking high doses of a nasty synthetic oestrogen while I was developing in her body. What could go wrong?
Some will argue that what is listed on your birth certificate is unchangeable. They claim that the doctor decides who and what you are, and that it may as well be set in stone. I can attest to the fact that sometimes they get it wrong.
At age 3, I knew who I was, but was always too afraid to say anything. Throughout my life, I did my best to hide my difference; to blend in with the boys but my body had it’s own agenda.
When I came out to old friends, it wasn’t uncommon to hear, “Now it all makes sense.” When I transitioned, one things I heard a lot was, “It’s about time!” I guess I didn’t disguise it as well as I thought I did. 😉
When I started taking prescription estrogen (estradiol), there was an almost immediate sense of calm and serenity. When I was given testosterone, it was the complete opposite. After a month on E, my spouse joked, “I like you now.” 😉
…because the change to my emotional state was unmistakable.
Now, I know what it’s like to finally see myself in the mirror.
I was born intersex but assigned male at birth. Because I now live as a female, I also identify as trans. I just know that I finally feel comfortable with who I am.
When I mention that I’m trans, people will treat me differently than when I say I’m intersex. In person, people can see that I am trans, but not the circumstances of my birth. When I mention online, that I’m intersex, even gender critical trolls tend to give me a pass; a “Get Out of Jail Free card.” They say things like, “Since you’re intersex, it’s acceptable for you to transition, but not for trans people.” I don’t like how that feels. It’s dismissive of the whole trans experience.
As an intersex person who knows what gender dysphoria feels like, I can say, I wouldn’t wish that hell on anyone.
At age 15, male puberty hadn’t started. Instead, I was growing breasts, again. The doctor and my mom agreed that they should put me on testosterone. I fought hard; telling them that I didn’t want it. We went round and round for over an hour, during which the doctor tried scaring me, saying “If you don’t take this, next year you’ll be walking down the beach with your girlfriend and you’ll have bigger boobs than her.” I responded with a blunt, yet heartfelt, “I don’t care.” In the end, I lost the battle and they forced it on me.
That Summer, I grew from 4’11” to 5’7″. My knees, shins, shoulders, and bones all ached horribly, but my heart, my very being cried out in pain for what had been lost.
As an adult, I finally mustered up the courage to tell my mom that, although I was a boy on the outside, I was a girl inside; that I was trans. Her response, “That’s nice honey, just don’t tell your dad.” followed by, “You know you’ll never be pretty.”
When I was born, the doctor told my mom not to tell anyone, not me, my dad, nobody. I was in my early thirties when my spouse confronted Mom about it, and she confirmed everything we had figured out about my differences, and shared some additional things we hadn’t known, as well as confirming the link to DES exposure.
Due to imposter syndrome and perhaps some leftover trauma from my childhood, I was afraid to use the term intersex when describing myself. The thought of what other intersex people faced (their pain) always seemed harder than my own struggle. It’s that whole idea of, “the devil you know.” I worried a lot about insulting “real” intersex people by lumping myself in with them.
Internalized shame is definitely a thing for many intersex people.
I joined a local support group and shared what I knew about my differences and was told, in no uncertain terms, “Oh, honey, you are definitely Intersex.”
I felt seen. Even so, I still held onto my fear of being discovered as a fraud.
That changed two weeks ago today, when an online troll demanded that I name my diagnosis. I have a laundry list of issues that I was born with and have discovered throughout my life but I never saw my official diagnosis.
Many years ago, I reached out to the hospital where I was born and was told that I could not obtain a copy of my birth records because they’re sealed and my mom would need to request them. I didn’t want to bother her, so I let it go.
A couple of weeks ago, I went to a few reputable hospital websites and scientific journals, to look up the issues I knew I was born with and those I still have. When reading through one of the sites, I found was that I was born with four of the six atypical differences listed. Continuing through related pages, I quickly saw that my early childhood behavior, issues at puberty, and adult experiences all matched those of people with atypical sex development. It was like reading my life story but written by someone else; by doctors!
I reached out to the friend from my support group, who had confirmed that I was intersex, a couple of years prior, and talked her ear off for forty minutes about how affirming it was for me to read. It was the ultimate confirmation for me. I thanked her for accepting me “even before I fully accepted myself.”
She explained that she had been told that a lot of birth, diagnosis, and surgical records for intersex kids are “kept under glass.” They are, at best, difficult to access or get copies of. Even my frustration regarding the inaccessibility of my personal records is a normal struggle for intersex people of my age.
I came to the realization that “This is no longer about how “anyone” else sees me. It’s about how I see myself.”
Though the ladies in my support group have different intersex conditions, I learn a lot from, and find commonality with them through common experiences. I appreciate their honesty, strength, and acceptance. They have helped me to develop a healthy perspective and, through that, find healing.
Like the troll that started me on this quest, a lot of people adhere to a strict binary interpretation of the book of Genesis, which they feel gives them the right to tell an intersex person which sex they are, based on chromosomes or which gametes (eggs or sperm) their body produces. So, what does the bible say about intersex people? Let’s take a trip down the rabbit hole.
In early rabbinic literature, Rabbis recognized no less than eight gender designations including:
Zachar and Nekevah, male and female.
Four Intersex classifications:
Androgynos, both male and female traits.
Tumtum, lacking any traits.
Aylonit hamah, female that naturally develops male traits.
Saris hamah, male that naturally develops female traits.
Well, there went the binary.
There are two more.
Aylonit adam, female to male with human intervention.
Saris adam, male to female with human intervention.
Okay, they acknowledged trans people too, but acknowledgment is not acceptance, right?
Not only did the rabbis recognize six genders that were neither male nor female, they had a tradition that the first human being was both.
In the book of Isaiah 56:4-5 says, “For this is what the Lord says: ‘To the saris who keep my Sabbaths, who choose what pleases me and hold fast to my covenant—to them I will give within my temple and its walls a memorial and a name better than sons and daughters; I will give them an everlasting name that will endure forever.’”
The original Hebrew word, Isaiah used, was “saris,” [sah-rees]. This instance of the word uses a qualifier, (לַסָּֽרִיסִים֙ lassārîsîm) to reference those who have had surgery, which is likely why that particular version of the word was later translated to eunuch.
כִּי־כֹ֣ה׀ אָמַ֣ר יְהוָ֗ה לַסָּֽרִיסִים֙ אֲשֶׁ֤ר יִשְׁמְרוּ֙ אֶת־שַׁבְּתוֹתַ֔י וּבָֽחֲר֖וּ בַּאֲשֶׁ֣ר חָפָ֑צְתִּי וּמַחֲזִיקִ֖ים בִּבְרִיתִֽי׃
וְנָתַתִּ֨י לָהֶ֜ם בְּבֵיתִ֤י וּבְחֽוֹמֹתַי֙ יָ֣ד וָשֵׁ֔ם ט֖וֹב מִבָּנִ֣ים וּמִבָּנ֑וֹת שֵׁ֤ם עוֹלָם֙ אֶתֶּן־ל֔וֹ אֲשֶׁ֖ר לֹ֥א יִכָּרֵֽת׃ ס
What I see is that God differentiated, and spoke of those outside the binary. He gave us a special name and a memorial in His temple. If that isn’t acceptance, I don’t know what is.
Papias, the bishop of Hierapolis (60-130 CE), wrote that Matthew “put together the oracles [of the Lord] in the Hebrew language, and each one interpreted them as best he could.”
The original word “saris,” used in the Gospel of Matthew, would refer to saris, aylonit, androgynos, and tumtum, in the same way the word “mankind” includes women and children.
Matthew 19:11-12 says, “Jesus replied, ‘Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. For there are saris who were born that way, (intersex) and those who have been made so by others (trans) and there are those who choose to live life in this way for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it.’”
וַיֹּאמְרוּ אֵלָיו הַתַּלְמִידִים אִם־זֶה מִשְׁפַּט הָאִישׁ אֶת־אִשְׁתּוֹ לֹא טוֹב לָקַחַת אִשָׁה : 11 וַיֹּאמֶר אֲלֵיהֶם לֹא יוּכַל כָּל־אָדָם קַבֵּל אֶת־הַדָּבָר הַזֶּה כִּי־אִם אֵלֶּה אֲשֶׁר־נִתַּן לָהֶם : 12 יֵשׁ סָרִיסִים אֲשֶׁר נוֹלְדוּ כֵן מִבֶּטֶן אִמָּם וְיֵשׁ סָרִיסִים הַמְסֹרָסִים עַל־יְדֵי אָדָם וְיֵשׁ סָרִיסִים אֲשֶׁר סֵרְסוּ עַצְמָם לְמַעַן מַלְכוּת הַשָׁמָיִם מִי שֶׁיּוּכַל לְקַבֵּל יְקַבֵּ
Jesus talked about intersex people, including those with ambiguous or altered genitalia, which includes trans people. He went off topic in the middle, something he didn’t need to do, to make his point about celibacy. Yet he openly, and without judgment, acknowledged their existence.
His blanket statement “accept them” in all their incarnations.
Merriam-Webster defines the word accept as:
To receive willingly
give admittance or approval to
regard as proper, normal, or inevitable
recognize as true
make a favorable response to
agree to undertake a responsibility
Acceptance is trusting someone else’s understanding and acting accordingly.
It reminds me of the “Golden Rule” to “Treat others the way you want to be treated.”
Similar versions of the Golden Rule exist in Pre-Islamic Arab ethics, Ancient Egypt, in the Indian writings, by Greek philosophers, including: Plato, Isocrates, Epicurus, and others. It was also included in ancient Persian texts and the writings of Roman Stoic, Seneca the Younger.
Pre-Islamic Arab ethics contained principles similar to the Golden Rule. The idea was embedded in tribal honor, poetry, and customary law (ʿurf).
Ancient Egypt:
“That which you hate to be done to you, do not do to another.”
India:
The Mahabharata [mə-HAH-BAR-ə-tə] says, “Do not to others what you do not wish done to yourself; and wish for others too what you desire and long for for yourself–this is the whole of Dharma; heed it well.”
The Book of Aṟam contains, “Do not do to others what you know has hurt yourself. Why does one hurt others knowing what it is to be hurt?”
The golden rule is found in most every ethical and faith tradition, including: Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Hinduism, Buddhism, Jainism, Taoism, Wicca, and Baha’i Faith.
In the Gospel of Matthew chapter 7, verse 12, Jesus shared his version of The Golden Rule. “…in everything, do to others what you would have them do to you, for this sums up the Law and the Prophets.”
…and again in chapter 25 verses 34 through 45
‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you—a stranger—and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’
“Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.”
Years ago, Howdy Holmes told me about a greater rule. He referred to it as the platinum or diamond rule. Simply stated, it is , “Treat others the way THEY want to be treated.”
In order to do that, we must first endeavor to understand them.
In 2017, Director Daniel Knudsen created a short video entitled, The Gift of Understanding. It changed the way I approach relationships.
“The gift of understanding is perhaps one of the greatest gifts one human can give to another.
While this gift may cost no money, it remains one of the most difficult gifts for a person to give. It’s a gift of great value. It takes time, it takes thought, it takes empathy.
To be understood is one of the greatest gifts one can receive. It’s a rare gift because no one has walked the exact same path as another. No one sees the world from the exact same vantage point as another. No one has had the exact same life experience as another, and no one has felt the exact same pain as another.
We can only imagine and do our best to feel what others feel, and do our best to see what others see, and retrace the path that others travel.
We are all different, but in our differences we all share a human experience. When our human experience intercepts another’s personal experience, it creates the opportunity to find common ground.
Though it may not be our first instinct, find the common ground, if possible. The common ground is the only place one human can understand another.
When one is understood, they experience one of the most fundamental human needs, the need to be understood.
The gift of understanding is perhaps one of the greatest gifts one human can give to another.”
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The thing is, our understanding is limited by our own perspective; based upon our own experiences and biases. These elements have a tendency to alter our view of a person or situation.
It made me realize that there’s a gift greater than understanding; it is showing compassion and acceptance even when we don’t understand the other person’s truth, or perspective. That is a gift that this congregation has bestowed on me.
Caring for someone’s needs can be as simple as taking the time to listen, making the effort to understand their situation and perspective, and respecting them enough to act according to their understanding instead of our own.
It doesn’t always take a lot to meet someone at their place of need. It does, however require action.
So, where do we start? I think LOVE is a good place to begin.
“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”
— John 13:34-35
It is my firm belief that having compassion toward, and respecting the value of, each human being, regardless of whether or not we understand or agree with them or their choices, is essential to creating a healthy society.
A friend from one of my social media networks, told me about her time as a nurse. She would go into prisons to talk with critically ill inmates about caring for their health needs. Her reviews from the inmates were always very positive. They would say things like “Thank you so much for coming to talk with us, not many people do.” That same reaction was shared with me, years ago, by a Reverend I knew, who spent a lot of time visiting prisoners.
Feeding, clothing, and housing those in need, caring for the physical, mental, and emotional health of all our citizens is what makes us a strong nation. What we do for the least of these, we do for America.
Unified acts of kindnesses, through a portion of our tax dollars, is what makes it easier for a single parent to work a good job and contribute back to the system. It helps us collectively care for ourselves and others as we age, as well as when we go through difficult circumstances brought on by burdens both financial and health-related.
Those who have, giving a portion to care for those who have not is a moral imperative.
As Thom Hartmann said, in a recent article, “That’s not socialism; it’s basic decency.”
The Book of Eli is a post-apocalyptic film about a man who has been tasked, by God, to deliver the last remaining copy of the Bible to an undisclosed location out West. When asked what the world was like before the war Eli responds, “People had more than they needed. We had no idea what was precious and what wasn’t. We threw away things people kill each other for now.”
So, what is important: Water, food, clothing, shelter?
It made me think about what is most important in this life. A while back my friend Brent Smith posted on his Facebook page, “The less I own, the less that owns me.”
From where I sit, I see that the most important thing in life, is people. Not food, water, clothing, shelter or any of our many possessions. It is people. That is why we are here. If we, as humans, have a mission, that is it.
Eli said that the people before the war “…had no idea what was precious and what wasn’t.”
Well, now I do. The question is, what do I do with that knowledge. What do I do with all the excess that I have taken from this world? I suppose that remains to be seen. It is all about what I do from here.
What we, as a country, do to help marginalized people and those among us who are in need is a reflection of our values as a society.
Taking a stand and caring for the vulnerable and marginalized among us may help more than them. In the end, it may save all of us.
Thank you for being here, for listening, for accepting me, and for endeavoring to understand. Thank you for the gift of love that you have given me today. It is one that I truly appreciate.
~ elr
Revised 6/22/2025
Image: ID 73336328 © Jacob_ BK | Dreamstime.com